Title: End of Me
Chapter : [2/?]
Characters: Kyuhyun, Siwon, Heechul, Eunhyuk, Sungmin etc.
Pairings: Wonkyu, Hyukchul
Genre: AU, Angst
Word Count: 2,332
Warning: Dark imagery
Disclaimer: I own many things, but unfortunately Super Junior isn't one of them.
One-shot (linked) - Bright Lights
“Don’t mind him, Siwon-ssi. He’s been here a little too long, adapted a little too much to the people here. But be rest assured that he’s still very brilliant doctor. I hope he didn’t do anything overboard to you anyway. Uh, yeah, welcome here by the way. I’m Dr Lee Hyukjae, your attending.”
Siwon nodded quickly as he followed the bleach-blonde man into the brightly-lit hallway. “Ah, no, I mean, not really. And it’s a pleasure, Dr Lee. Please forgive me for my lackings.”
The man was rather short –coming up to only slightly over his shoulders, but Siwon was considered quite tall anyway –and yet Siwon had to pace up a little to keep up with the man’s quick steps as they journeyed through the quiet floor.”I hope you don’t mind if my welcome is going to be a little too brief for you. I wasn’t joking when I said I was about to start the electroshock treatment."
Siwon gave a quick nod and cleared his throat to indicate that he understood. "Anyway, let’s just give you a brief tour around here although it’s really not that necessary, it’s not that big in here. So here on the third floor in this wing you have the staff area where most of the doctors’ offices are at. Dr Kim’s over on the other side just now because he’s a little senior than most of us here so he gets a special room. He had a way around our directors, especially a Dr Lee Soo Man, but don’t ask me why or how.”
Siwon shook his head mentally, feeling a little bewildered at how fast the man was talking and walking at the same time.
“So I heard that you transferred here from the central hospital. I used to work there as well. Spent my last three years of residency there. How is it over there now? Is a Dr Lee Donghae still in service? He was training in the cardiology department when I left.” Hyukjae planted a hand into his front coat pocket, keeping a straight face as he continued down the large staircase.
“Dr Lee Donghae? Oh yes, he’s an uprising cardiac surgeon now in the hospital. He’s quite popular among the female residents.” Siwon jerked his eyebrows upwards.
“Morning Sunny-ssi, Jessica-ssi. All’s well, I hope?” Hyukjae nodded to two pretty nurses as they walked past with a medicine trolley, smiling as they waved back. “Ah, that’s good to hear. I haven’t heard from that fish in ages. Well, it’s for the better, I guess.” A pause followed before he cleared his throat.
“Anyway, let me just brief you on this case you’re taking charge of. Patient name is Cho Kyuhyun, from Nowon, Seoul. 23, Male. Admitted to the ward since a week ago. Symptoms of depression and anxiety and…” he flipped a few pages in the file as they turned into a corridor. “Yupp, that’s all we’ve got so far. We have yet to find out the root of his problem or if there is any underlying condition, so we’re counting on you for that in order to give him more effective treatment. Right now he’s just on some regular antidepressants but there hasn’t been much improvement. Sounds like an easy case but this guy’s got the whole hospital community talking about him.”
Siwon narrowed his eyebrows curiously as he followed Hyukjae into a large common area where a number of patients roamed around. Some were reading books at the round table while others were immersed in whatever that had caught their attention. Siwon noticed a man who was pacing the room up and down repeatedly and another middle-aged woman who was just sitting and staring out of the window. “But why? “
“Good morning, everyone! How’s everybody doing today? ” Dr Lee suddenly stopped and greeted a few patients crowded around a table, playing a game of cards. A chorus of voices spoke up at once as he nodded back cheerfully to everyone. “This is Dr Choi Siwon, a new addition to our family here. So please treat him well, alright?” Siwon just smiled and nodded as well, looking around at the faces. He thought he heard a patient with thick make-up and smeared lipstick say “Omo, isn’t he a handsome one? I want to marry him!” but shook it away mentally.
Some were tired-looking, some broody but generally there were some friendly faces in the crowd. But he knew the hostile ones were most probably isolated from the big crowd. Looking at how the patients seem to respond enthusiastically to Dr Lee, Siwon knew he had much to learn from this blonde man.
“Eeteukie, good morning! You’re drawing a duck again today?” Dr Lee had advanced to the next table where a man in his twenties sporting an apple-stick hairstyle was crouched over a piece of paper, shading enthusiastically with a yellow crayon.The man looked up and smiled, scratching his head slightly. “It’s pretty ugly; I think it looks like me.” Siwon noticed the multiple scars and band-aids on the man’s arm.
“Nonsense, Leeteuk-ssi! You look a lot younger than you are, I think even younger than me! You’re too critical on yourself; remember what the doctors told you in your previous session? Stop being so hard on yourself and relax. You’re going back soon, so stop worrying, okay?”
The man named Eeteuk gave a small smile and nodded nervously, returning to his drawing again. Siwon followed as Dr Lee exited the common room and into a hallway where everything was quiet again. “That’s Leeteuk or Park Jungsoo back there. Nice fellow but he pushed himself a little too much. Seems to be having a good day today. Admitted for BPD, self-injury, depression after he tried to burn his arm with a hot iron.”
“Borderline Personality Disorder…” Siwon muttered quietly under his breath and nodded. “So where were we? Oh yeah, Cho Kyuhyun. He’s a different one, not a common case. He’s pretty good-looking actually, a lot of the young nurses are saying what a pity he’s a patient here. But the funny thing is, well, he checked himself in. It’s not that common here, especially in Korea. Most people here have been reported and well, taken in by the hospital. It’s conservative, you’d be known as a lunatic even if you’re here for mild depression. Sad, isn’t it?” Dr Lee shook his head while heaving a sigh.
Siwon nodded, knowing very well how the Korea mentality is about entering a mental hospital, whatmore checking into one. The society’s general unwillingness to seek help makes up most of the reason why Korean suicide rates are always on a high. He had wanted to change that perception since the day he decided to take up psychiatry.
“He’s pretty quiet, barely showing any emotions and rarely coming out of his room. Oh, we’re here.” The man suddenly came to a halt in front of room 17. ”So I’m just gonna leave you here for now, carry out a basic patient interview and see what you can get. One of the residents have already done one, but with no conclusive diagnosis. If anything, I’ll be sending Lee Sungmin-ssi , our senior nurse here to assist you. Good luck.”
Siwon nodded and took the file from the attending after thanking him. Dr Lee headed off without another word. He sucked in a deep breath before knocking and turning the knob. He was greeted nothing more by a figure sitting on the bed.
“Don’t have I have privacy at all around here?” came an irritable voice from the dimly-lit room with only a bed, a simple chair and desk.
Siwon cleared his throat before taking another step into the room and took a closer look at the patient. The young man also happened to have bleach-blonde hair and Siwon wondered if it was the latest trend in Korea nowadays. Personally he had always preferred his own natural black hair colour.
The man’s slim figure was thinly clothed in a gray sweater, the hoodie without its drawstrings; a common rule around here to remove all potential items that the patients could use to hurt themselves. The blonde man had his back towards Siwon on his bed, head not turning back to see his visitor.
Siwon cleared his throat a little louder this time but the man took no heed. “Uh, good morning. I’m Dr Choi Siwon. I’ll be in charge of-“
“And how many times must you doctors say that in one day? Don’t you ever get bored? Patients don’t really care if you’re a Dr Lee or Dr Choi or whoever. We’re only interested to see how capable you are in treating us. But even that’s not what I need.”
Siwon backed away slightly in surprise, hand gripping the file a little too tightly. For all the time he had been working at his previous hospital, the patients were either compliant or hostile. It was the first time he had met such a rational and stuck-up one. But it was probably due to his lack of experience though. No wonder Dr Kim had referred to him as a ‘brat’.
He braced himself and tried again. “I’ll try my best, Kyuhyun-ssi. I hope you don’t mind me calling you that,” he said, trying to sound as polite as possible.
The younger man finally turned around after dropping what seemed to be a PSP console onto the bed. “As if I had a choice.” Siwon didn’t remember patients being allowed electronic devices while warded.
“I’ve never seen you before. You look like a horse. Where’s that Dr Kim with the long wavy hair?”
Finally able to take a better look, Siwon noticed how the young face seemed hardened by something, a bad experience, or something worse, looking far more matured than his real age. The eyes aren’t vibrant like they ought to be, ready to be filled with adventures and knowledge from the world, but instead looked cold and irritable. Somehow Siwon felt they looked out of place, like rain on a summer’s day. Strips of blonde hair fell just above his shoulders and his lips looked dry. Siwon wondered if it was a good move to offer him a drink of water.
“Dr Kim Heechul? He’s, uh, concerned with other, uh, cases at the moment. And ironically, you’re not the first one who thinks so. Anyway I’ll be taking over from him and please be assured that I’ll try my best to help you in any way I can.” Siwon sauntered over and tried to move the chair to where he could sit by the bed, but the chair refused to budge causing him to stumble a little. His ears grew warm.
“You’re obviously very new here. Everything here is bolted to the floor, smart ass,” Kyuhyun shook his head with a scoff.
Siwon’s hand retracted back in an instant, feeling a little embarrassed. He cleared his throat loudly, flipping open the file and fishing out his favourite pen from his pocket, feeling his silver crucifix dangle out from one end. He entangled and pushed it back in, clinging away with a multitude of other random things in his pocket. When he looked up he thought he saw a curious glint in the boy’s eyes.
“Uh, sorry about that. I just need to ask a few simple questions to understand your condition and symptoms better. So if you could just-“
“I don’t want to answer your questions. You guys can stop wasting time and leave me alone.” The younger man interrupted him in mid-sentence and returned to his gaming on the bed. Siwon noticed how he was fidgeting slightly.
“But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” 2 Chronicles 15:7. Siwon gritted his teeth and continued.
“I’m sorry but I’m afraid it’s part of my job to help you. And to help you, we would need to find out the underlying cause of your condition, so please help us help you?” Siwon breathed deeply, trying to keep calm and think straight about what he could do this job well, his first case here well. He needed to prove that his move here wasn’t a crazy one, at least to himself anyway. “It’s been noted here that you’ve not been eating your pills, Kyuhyun-ssi…you won’t get better if you don’t-“
“I don’t need them. By not helping is helping me already, see the sense there? Really, stop being annoying and just leave me alone.” The boy threw his PSP on the bed, sending it bouncing a little roughly and crashing to the linoleum floor.
Siwon hurried forward and picked it off the floor, eyes meeting brown weary ones masked with vigilance on the way up. He was lost for a moment in those eyes before they snapped in alert, the console being snatched away from his grip in an instant.
“Don’t touch my stuff.”
“I-I’m sorry…I just-“His tongue seemed to be in a knot and his hands were practically flying in several directions but the boy just heaved a heavy sigh.
“Look, I really don’t need anything else from you guys. I just want to be alone here, it’s for the better. So, please, just go.”
Siwon pursed his lips and retreated two steps backwards. “I’m sorry for the trouble. I’ll just come back later then.” He gave a small bow after giving a quick scribble on the file. ”But Kyuhyun-ssi, please remember you’re not alone in this. You can trust me with anything. I promise to try my best to help you. God bless you.”
The boy’s face looked blank and then turned away to face the window.
“I don’t need your promises,” the boy said after a while.
Siwon noted the bitterness in the voice and wondered if there was anything lying beneath that. He gave another bow and slowly closed the door as he left, but the other boy wasn’t looking.
A/N : SS4 fancams' been driving me nuts! really hope that they'll come to my country! *fingers crossed*